What is a School Counselor?

I've noticed that there is usually confusion about what exactly a school counselor does. First, here's a list of things we are NOT:

• A babysitter
• A secretary
• A nurse
• The "candy" lady (or man)
• A babysitter
• The villain who puts the new student in your class when you don't have any extra desks
• The villain who won't switch around your child's schedule so that he can be with his friends
• The slacker who allows students to come to the office just to "chill" and miss class
• A babysitter
• A disciplinarian
• The villain who can't wait to call a student out of your art/history/math/photography class
• Your child's "best friend"
• Did I mention babysitter?

And now, here are things school counselors actually provide:

• A shoulder to cry on
• A new study skill to use on the next test
• Encouragement to get students/teachers/parents through the day
• A resource for all things personal/academic/career-based
• Referrals to outside agencies
• A pillow to scream in (I actually have one in my office)
• A Koosh ball to squeeze on (adults can use these, too!)
• Assessments to determine future goals
• An array of strategies to help your student/child reach their goals
• A miracle

Any questions? :)

Being Assertive

Last week, I met with all of the 7th graders to talk about conflict resolution. Having been in middle school for at least 5 weeks now, I knew they would have some stories to share. Some examples they gave me were being teased, spreading rumors, dating a friend, and having problems with teachers. I then went on to explain that there are THREE WAYS that we can handle conflict:

• Being Passive: Not really "sticking up" for yourself; being a doormat and allowing others to walk all over you.
• Being Aggressive: Becoming the bully; calling other names and responding with physical violence.
• Being Assertive: Sticking up for yourself while remaining respectful.

I allowed the students to role-play these different responses. They had the most fun being passive and aggressive--but they had the most difficult time being assertive. They automatically associated assertiveness with "punking out" or "snitching." I had to explain that being assertiveness does not always mean reporting to a teacher; it means doing in your heart what you know is right.

I'm not expecting miracles overnight. In all honesty, it took me 20 years to finally become assertive; I was always the passive type who couldn't say no--even when I knew it would get me in trouble! However, the more we, as adults, model this assertive behavior, the more our children/students will follow suit.

For more information on assertiveness training, please see the link below:

http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetailsKids.aspx?p=335&np=287&id=2411

Trust

Okay, instead of offering insight, I think I may need some myself this time. Let's say that your principal assigns you to select a group of students to complete a task. This task allows them to miss a a class or two. Now, let's say that you decide to pick students who are not overly involved with many activities. In other words, these are the students that usually fly under the radar, and when they are not under the radar, they're getting in trouble.

Now, let's say that you tell these students beforehand that they were chosen out of the WHOLE SCHOOL to complete this duty, and that you (despite what others may tell them), actually trust them to complete this task with no problems at all.

Finally, their task is done, you sign their passes to return to class and...they roam the hall instead. NO! This is by far my worst nightmare. I like to show all students the same amount of positive attention. I don't care if they've made mistakes in the past, or if former teachers warn me about them. I truly believe students will never change for the better with negative reinforcement. That's why I'm a strong advocate in showing ALL students that I believe in them. I must say, though, that it does sting a little when the students that you give a chance prove their naysayers right.

I may complain about this now, but I know that my attitude won't change. I think it's fine to let kids know when they have disappointed you, but then it's time to let it go. If everyone that we've disappointed before continued to hold grudges against us, I'm sure that it would take an extra effort just to get out of bed in the morning. That's exactly how some kids feel about coming to school. Why show up to a place where everyone thinks I'll mess up?

Hey, I guess I did just offer insight--and I've actually helped reevaluate my thinking on the scenario that I mentioned above. :)

Girl Drama

I'm at a new school this year, but the drama remains the same. In other words, I constantly find that my services are needed in helping girls get along. Don't get me wrong, boys bicker in middle school, too--usually over a girl, or because a couple of "yo mama" jokes goes a little too far. I call the boys in the office, they hash it out, and the next day everything is usually cool.

Girls are COMPLETELY different. They argue about anything: boys, rumors, even having the same wardrobe (the last one is actually way more popular than you would expect). I call them in my office, they hash it out, and the next day everything is usually cool--until the day after that.

Girls are a bit more stubborn than boys (and I can say this because not only am I a girl, but I'm also a Taurus). In other words, they just don't know how to let things go. They can pretend that everything is fine, but as soon as they leave my office, they'll go tell their friends everything that went down. In turn, their friends will continue to instigate and create new reasons for the girls to stay mad at each other.

One method that I have used to try to prevent "girl drama" is to create a Sisterhood group. Whenever girls are mad at each other, jealousy is always involved. Jealous that a girl has a cute new hairstyle, jealous that a girl has more friends, jealous that a girl gets attention from a lot of boys. All females have fallen victim to jealousy at some point in their lives. It is the goal of the Sisterhood group to express this jealousy in a polite manner. We talk about our feelings; we learn how to compliment each other; most importantly, we talk about self-esteem. Whenever females feel the need to lash out at other females, it's generally because they don't like themselves that day.

So, the best way to prevent girl drama from happening is to ensure that females have positive female mentors. Ladies, please try not to talk about your weight in front of younger girls, and definitely try not to be disrespectful to other females in their presence. Jealousy is usually a learned behavior. When we as older females can start loving ourselves, our future generation can do the same.

What Will My Friends Think?

Imagine this: you're about to start your first day of middle school. You've spent all summer collecting your new wardrobe--the latest shoes, a vast assortment of skinny jeans, and T-shirts showcasing your favorite celebrity. You have the cutest backpack, and you got a great deal on all the school supplies you need. You call up your friends and find out that you have a few classes together. Cool! Everything's perfect...until you wake up and find a huge pimple on your nose.

Actually, that pimple wasn't that huge--it was probably the size of a needle point; yet, to you, it looked like a pepperoni. If we can remember that feeling of mortification whenever we got a pimple or a bad haircut--why do we forget about it when kids today freak out over "little things"?

After working with the middle school age group for almost 4 years, I have come to realize that they think the entire world revolves around them. Not that this is a bad thing--it's actually pretty scientific. Middle schoolers are at the developmental stage when their peers are the MOST IMPORTANT thing in the world. They tend to care what their classmates will think about a subject more than any other adult. This is mainly because preteens are searching for their own identities. What type of person do they want to be? Usually it's their friends who help mold their personalities--but it is up to adults to help guide them into self-assurance.

So next time a preteen comes crying to you because another student bought the exact same shirt as him/her, please don't roll your eyes. This is honestly a huge deal to them, and it could even distract them from their schoolwork until they reach some kind of resolution. Preteens just want someone to vent to--let's give them an ear every now and then.

Here are some links that provide information on child development:

http://www.pamf.org/children/newsletter/emotional.html

http://www.theparentreport.com/resources/ages/preteen/development.html

http://parenting.ivillage.com/tweens/topics/0,,4rwx,00.html

http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/

http://www.education.com/

Can I Have My Schedule Changed?

Can you believe that it's the first day of school already? The summer just seemed to breeze by, but I'm looking forward to having a great school year. I'm usually used to dealing with a lot of scheduling issues on the first day back, but surprisingly, there were not that many concerns (knock on wood). In all honesty, the frequent issue with schedules involves kids trying to be in classes with their friends. And because kids these days are way craftier than in my day (how's it going class of '99?), they have a way of "tricking" their parents into believing that they want their schedule changed strictly for academic purposes (i.e., "I don't want to take band anymore--I never have time for homework."). My rule of thumb is that I NEVER grant a scheduling request unless there's a genuine reason (such as if a student wants to take a high school credit course and their grades prove that they can handle the workload). Below, I list some tips for parents to ensure that there are no scheduling snafus on the first day back to school:

1. Be on the "look-out" for scheduling information at the end of the school year.
I usually wait until spring to start discussing schedules with students and parents. I lay out the required courses they must take, as well as the options that they have for exploratory courses (i.e., art, band, computer). I allow students to rank which exploratory courses they would like to take, and I collect parent signatures before I actually start scheduling for the following year. If a student fails to return their scheduling forms by the due date (which I give them WEEKS to complete), I have to start just placing them in classes where there's available spaces. Sounds harsh, yes, but my policy is first come, first serve.

2. Read the school's program of studies.
Every school should have one. A program of studies lists ALL of the classes the school has to offer, as well as a description of the courses. Your child wants to take a career investigations course and you have no clue what he/she will be doing in that class? Check out the program of studies. Curious if that Spanish I course your 8th grade child is taking will count towards high school credit? Flip open the program of studies. I'm telling you, these books are "the bomb" (or whatever else means cool nowadays). I've even looked at them myself for definite answers.

3. Call before the first day of school with scheduling questions.
Most schools mail out schedules before open house, and this would be a great opportunity to review them to see if everything is as it should be. There is always someone working at the school during the summer, especially August. If you see that your child is taking Algebra when you know they are supposed to be in Geometry, please call the main office. A worker will either explain the schedule to you, or change any errors. There are quite a few parents that wait until the first day of school to sort out scheduling issues. In all honesty, these students usually end up sitting in the main office for most of the morning (the first day back can be quite chaotic!). These students end up missing pertinent information, which sets them back this early in the game. If you want your child to start off on the right foot, please call with scheduling concerns over the summer.

And last, but certainly not least...

4. Call your school counselor!
So you're reading about an art course named Visions in the program of studies, but still have no idea what the class has to offer. Please give me a ring. If you feel that your child is capable of taking more advanced classes but you do not see any on his/her schedule, please let us know. If you want to make sure that your child is not in the same classes with certain peers, give us a heads up. We may not have all the right answers, but we sure can guide you into finding one.

Basically, I think the best way to guarantee that students will have a successful school year is to have a collaborative relationship with your school counselor. Now I'm off to the main office to see if we still have lobby free of students and their "wrong" schedules. :)

Welcome!

Hello!

Welcome to my counseling blog! Through this site, I hope to provide guidance for issues facing children and adolescents today--everything from cyberbullying to career planning. :) Please feel free to post any questions or concerns you may have in the comments section of any of my posts, and I will do my best to provide an answer--or at least point you in the right direction!

Please look out for new topics every Monday. I'm looking forward to a great school year!